The Journey to Being Unapologetically Me

I’ve spent a lot of time recently thinking about the type of person I want to be; now, in 5 years, in 20 years. How do I want to feel, how do I want to create value for the world, and how do I want to be perceived by the world.

These are all very easy and very hard questions at the same time (for me anyway). “Answering” them has involved completely throwing myself into doing things I hadn’t really ever considered before. Like integrating a daily visualization and journaling practice into my life, and joining online groups and coaching programs for women on the same journey.

Commit

Ultimately, it has come down to me making a no holds barred commitment to myself. Many, for that matter.

  • I am committing to putting me and my dreams front and centre in my life.

  • I am committing to having uncomfortable conversations with myself.

  • I am committing to taking action towards my vision everyday. NO MATTER WHAT.

  • I am committing to creating more than I consume.

  • I am committing to investing in me and the woman I’m going to become.

…Goes on for a while...

Voice inside my head/heart: Freaking Finally.

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This is an extremely scary thing to put out into the world, or to even admit to those I love but, it has been the women that have put themselves out there in this way that have had the greatest impact on me. That have inspired me. More than that, they have literally altered my perception of myself and where I fit in the world. If I can affect even one person the way they have affected me then I better freaking get over myself :)

Staying true to these commitments has involved some scary financial and emotional commitments, which had you asked me 2 months ago would have inspired me to say something along the lines of “I’m not ready for that”, or “That’s not for me,” or “Maybe one day.” Ultimately, I would have told you they were completely out of my realm of reality. 

I can’t remember what exactly shifted my mind, but one day something clicked. No one is going to invest in me before I invest in myself. And, absolutely no one is going to be able to really know me, unless I know me and show them. And, I’m definitely never going to reach the levels I want to reach unless I start believing and seeing that I can.

Fuck, but who even am I really? And, how do I show people all sides of me? Do I even want to?

Sidenote: I still get lost in this spiral daily so don’t be under any illusions that I have any of this figured out.

Surrounded by Badassery

So, I started aggressively surrounding myself with these women. Women who have been through the thick of it (are honest about that) and that have come out the other side stronger and more themselves than ever. Females that are so unapologetically themselves that it makes some people uncomfortable.

There is no denying that I am already extremely blessed to have some absolutely wonderful and strong female role models in my life but, if I’m being really honest, I wasn’t ready to invite them into this journey yet. 

So, I sought virtual mentors. It is absolutely INCREDIBLE the amount of female badassery that exists online today. Honestly, it’s mind blowing and at times overwhelming. But, if you take the time to look, you can absolutely find the coaches you need to push you through to where you want to be and, if you’re honest with yourself, call you out on your shit.

Let’s be clear, by coach I don’t necessarily mean you need to hire someone (although, I think coaching is the greatest investment you can make). YouTube is a freaking magical land full of free resources. It has become one of my favourite tools to use when I am feeling in a funk or need my daily dose of quit feeling so damn sorry for yourself. 

I have a select few YouTubers that fit the criteria for what I need to hear, and there is absolutely no denying that there are voices out there for you too.

The ones who matter don’t love you for your identity, your person, and the mask which mattered when you met. They love you for the intangible, the unseen, the very essence of you.
— Katrina Ruth

The women that have recently kicked my ass into next gear while simultaneously inspiring me to slow down and check in with what I TRULY want outside of what I THINK I should want are Katrina Ruth and Erin May Henry. There have been many others along the way, but these two ladies have really been inspirations to me in the realm of being unapologetically yourself and achieving success doing so.

Honestly, Katrina Ruth’s blog kicks my ass and heart everyday into action and self-compassion. 

Let me say that if you asked people that have gotten to know me over the last few years they would probably tell you that, if you are close to me, I don’t really have a problem telling you how it is, that I haven’t really followed a traditional life path (What does that even mean anyway?), and don’t really have a problem presenting myself in an unconventional way. Actually, a lot of them probably assumed I was already being pretty unapologetic in the way I act and present myself. And, maybe I was to a degree. 

But, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been hiding BIG parts of myself from myself and the rest of the world. I’ve been playing REAL small out of fear. As a result, I’ve been denying the world some pretty awesome sides of me.

Chief amongst them is the fear of putting myself out there only to fail. Being vulnerable in this way has always been extremely challenging for me. Let’s be real, it’s scary AF. 

Why would people care what I have to say? Do I even have anything of value to share?

Short answer: YES. And, the key to figuring out what that is, is doing the scary thing everyday. 

Signing up for networking events (people are scary), signing up for coaching programs (I’m not successful enough for that), starting a blog (what will I even talk about). 

These are all things that I have done despite my fear and because of it. 

While I’ve spent the last 5+ years learning some extremely valuable lessons, I’ve also spent them coasting. There is no denying it. 

I have not spent enough time pushing myself past the point of where I know I was likely to succeed and receive validation. While, it’s time to cut that shit out. #goawayfeargremlin

I’m done playing small, and I’m done not showing up for myself. Fuck that shit. 

I am serious about my mission to be unapologetically me and to say goodbye to caring what people will assume of me. What makes me different and what makes me, me is what makes me shine. 

I have a vision for my life, and I am not going to let myself or anyone else get in the way of it.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. Can’t wait to see what kickassery we get up to next.

Katrina Ruth wisdom

Life’s the adventure, define it however you’d like.